So I was up until about 4am this morning and bounced(more like rolled, fell on the floor and sat up) out of bed at 8:30. made the mistake of eating actual food so I am no longer running on nicotine, caffeine and adrenalin. Dummy me. Little unhealthy hint - when you are stressed and running on little sleep - if you have to make it thru the day without a nappy then DO NOT EAT. once your body starts to process a meal you'll be falling asleep sitting up at your desk... Ugly!.
Why the stress you ask? My sister in law is very ill - call the family make arrangements ill and it happened so quickly I still haven't processed it. She's fighting the effects of the chemo and that's what doing it. Not the cancer - the chemo - unbelievable right? You are damned if you do, damned if you don't sometimes. She's in Philly - over an hour away and my Brother is an hour and a half away so I feel very disconnected and useless. I want to help, i want to cook or babysit or drive people or do anything that lessens the burden on them but...
Her kidneys shut down but today they gave her dialysis and it worked so i am hoping that she's used up only another of her 9 cat lives - and she'll bounce back and be up and about. But intellectually i know that may not be the case.
And so i cry... for her and my brother and his wife and the family and the nieces and the grandkid whose 2 and won't remember his g-mom Fu. And then I get angry that I'm crying because i feel like i am giving up on her...
So life's tough... wear a f@cking helmet, with an optional tissue holder attached.
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1 comment:
Hey Stacey,
Like you, I also post on the Crazy Days & Nights blog and live in the Philly area. Just linked onto your blog and read this entry. Hope she pulls through...I'll keep her in my prayers.
All my best,
Christine
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